Finding Freedom 60 Feet Up
Taking my child’s hobby on as my own has offered me a chance to grow
This spring I found a new hobby. It began as an activity for my children, but when I found myself spending more and more time watching and waiting for their classes to end, I decided to try it myself. I’ve started rock climbing. I am still a beginner, having climbed a handful or more times over the last two months, but I think I’m already hooked. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it is that infatuates me about rock climbing and how I find it informing other aspects of my life.
First I think it is the atmosphere of the gym itself. I was worried when we first went that the space would feel crowded and noisy with so many people in an indoor space. Sometimes, it is pretty crowded (with more people indoors than a pandemic isolator like me has been around in years), but it never has the echoing noise of a mall or stadium despite being inside a warehouse. Perhaps the fact that the climber and belayer (the person who holds rope and keeps the climber safe) can’t really hold a conversation while one is climbing helps.
The other thing about the gym is how welcoming it is. I’ve seen climbers of all ages (even silver-haired), skill levels and sizes. Every parent watching, every belayer watching over my kids has been happy to chat while the kids climb. Each small talk conversation cements how easy it is to belong to the gym. Sometimes my kids and I become engrossed watching someone boulder (climb shorter walls/structures without ropes) and we cheer when they reach the top. It doesn’t feel weird, we’re clapping right along with their friends or other nearby climbers. There’s a community at this gym that I haven’t been able to tap into for a long time–people brought together by a common purpose or interest. There’s community in my neighborhood, of course, as we nod our hellos, plan a block party, or clean up communal outdoor spaces together, but that feels different than a common passion to me. Rock climbing is even more appealing to me because it is less about competing against others and more about competing against yourself. There are rock climbing competitions, but the basic rock gym vibes are more communal and supportive.
My first climb was on a day when my youngest was sick, so I took her spot with an “open climb” group (where a staff member belays a small group). From my second wall I could tell that rock climbing was good for me, even if I felt so new, sore and unsure about it while I was climbing. I also felt a sense of freedom while climbing. There is nothing like clinging to the side of a wall to allow everything else in your life to fall away and help you stay present in the moment. As someone who spends their days caring for other people, supporting a household’s needs, and hearing the complaints of young children, the freedom of being alone focused solely on the one thing I am doing is delicious. Perhaps even intoxicating.
Rock climbing is a physical practice of feeling like I can’t do something because it's too hard or scary and then reaching out for one more hold anyway. It’s getting to the top (or my respective stopping point) and realizing that it wasn’t so bad, it was actually kind of fun and that I can do hard things. During a recent session, I could tell I was gaining trust and confidence in my body (as well as my belayer) and would reach or “jump” to a hold without knowing exactly where all four limbs are going to land. Trusting that a foothold will be there when I need it and having enough confidence and trust in someone to have your back that you reach out farther than you thought you could go. This feels like the ideal in human relationships. It feels like how I should be trying to parent, like what I should hope for in my marriage…in any close relationship really.
I wonder how many of us really have that person or environment in their lives. How many of us feel like we can reach out toward a goal that we’re not sure we can reach and trust in the knowledge that there are others that will keep us from falling too far? The news and politics have been divisive for years. It makes it feel as if society is inherently at odds with one another. And on many things, some groups of people are. But absorbing all the reporting makes me begin to view relationships as fundamentally divisive. It makes me feel as if this ideal–of people, even strangers, supporting one another through challenges and stretching our limits–is not possible.
But I question this assumption. There must be families, friends or people out there that hold each other up. Somewhere hidden in the corners of cities or small towns, in the cracks where good news is not reported, there are these supportive environments within which people can grow confident enough to reach past what feels challenging and find themselves capable of doing something new.
I suppose, ideally, schools and colleges would provide this for our children. Perhaps some scientific research institutions or startups cultivate this. However, with a focus on risk aversion, maximizing profits or test scores, this type of environment gets squashed. We should do more to cultivate an openess to failure in our society, or at the very least in our closest relationships.
Maybe discovering this detail about having trust and confidence in another person to catch you so that you may reach higher than you ever have before is the cause of the “good vibe” I felt when first entering the rock gym. The people seemed generally friendly, calm, happy, not overly competitive (except with themselves or the wall). In a culture where you rely on others to keep you safe, where you can push through tired, sore limbs, or challenging holds to reach something just a little higher than you thought, it makes sense that there is more meaningful connection and joy. I wonder how this would translate to having a broader, more effective social safety net. I wonder how I can apply this within my own family. I wonder how I can ask for and nurture this within my marriage and my parenting.
I’m going to keep climbing. It has a lot to teach me.
All images published in Stutter Over Silence are original artwork created by the author, Katie Gresham, unless otherwise noted.
sounds like you've discovered a beautiful place! I wonder how different life might feel if we did really feel supported within our families/communities ♥️